4 am

I lie awake at 4am with one leg tucked under the heated blanket and the other resting bare on the cold side of the bed. My eyes are closed but I can still visualize every speck of light that wanders into my room each night. On the corner of the ceiling by the door is the tiny green light of the smoke detector, blinking at its slow, fixed pace. There is light from the moon faintly shining through the blinds covering my windows and an old nightlight in my bathroom that I can still see reflecting off the floor when the door is closed. I hear the faint hum of the laundry machine a few rooms away and the sounds of people sporadically turning in their beds upstairs. I want to sleep. I want to sleep but as soon as my head hits the pillow, my mind goes into every dark hole it can find and it stays there until tears fall from my

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